30 November 2008

    29.11.08 – Ep. 3: Reality

    For the past few days, it had been raining inconsistently, I should say. Sometimes it rained in the morning, in the late afternoon or even during the night. There’s not much I can do. Well, much of it just staying indoors and minding our own ‘businesses’. It is quite ironic how we have so many businesses to deal with (just as a thought though).

    I felt a little discomfort in me. In a midst of all the experience we gained, the experience of being questioned, all these years means something to ourselves. But, I felt a bit nervous. Maybe it’s because I was prepared or maybe I don’t take things seriously. Imagine how we have to sit in a small room, us standing in front and the other actors were looking, with the director or producer sitting at the back with his or her hands making necessary remarks on the paper that they had with them. I’ve been through that before. Back then, that was how it all started. Déjà vu.

    I couldn’t sleep. I tried to keep my eyes closed. I do feel going to bed and have a nice, comfy, restless sleep. All of a sudden, when I look at the clock beside me, almost an hour had passed. Soon, the morning came. When I woke up, I could see little by little the sunlight began to brighten up the sky.

    It is a special day. We were all ‘summoned’ to convene to meet and gather at the hall. There were many familiar faces I had met before. Some of which I’ve known for long. Some of which I had seen somewhere before, but I couldn’t recall when and where. And for some, I haven’t seen for quite some time. Nevertheless, we got off quite well. There were blue, green, orange, a mix of variant colors, elegant, young and charismatic, eagerness and motivated. I should say that there were many inputs that we gained. And I kept thinking, and thinking, and thinking. What becomes of me if such things were to happen?

    I began to ask questions to myself, “what if?” Sooner or later, things will be either be good or bad, positive or negative, up or down. I would have predicted that these things would come some day. There is a saying, “to become successful, you must able to see the end of what you want to achieve.” It’s a silly thing to make the same mistakes twice. People make mistakes. We are God’s creation and none of us is perfect.

    Far away, I could see movements everywhere. To the left, and to the right. In the middle of it, I see red and white. As if the world had stopped. Why is it happening again? We are all different – uniqueness, gender, ability - but we are all the same as human beings. Maybe, that’s what made me think to ‘hold-on’. It is not as easy as you think though. But for how long it should be this way? The reality, can sometimes be painful, yet can also lead to happiness.


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